Letting Go

Sometimes I feel that time has sped up this month. It seems like yesterday that I left for Chicago to be a part of Orientation. Nervous and excited, we spent time developing our community as well as planning our camp. At the end of Oriention, we sent off the Ethiopia VLMs, who are currently finishing their service in Bahir Dar. Somehow, amidst busy work schedules, family visits, and summer activities, 4 weeks vanished. 10 days from now, I'll be on my flight from San Francisco to Amsterdam. There I will find the three volunteers I am taking to Kitale (Amy, Emily, and Caitlin), along with the rest of the VLMs headed to Kenya. We will depart Amsterdam for Nairobi, where the Daughters of Charity will meet us and take us to our individual sites. The group going to Chepanyl will head West with us, while the Kioo group will head East. All three of these sites are part of the Daughters of Charity ministry in Kenya, but we will be the pioneering VLMs to set up their first children's summer camps.

Sometimes, though, I feel as though time has stopped. As a college student, summers were always a time of transition and travel for me, and spending the summer of 2008 in Ethiopia did not seem unusual or difficult. I'm quickly discovering that life after college, particularly married life, is just a little bit different. As the reality of putting every part of my life on hold for the month of August has set in, I've found myself absorbing special moments like a sponge - soaking up every last drop.  Wonderful conversations with friends, rare moments just sitting and enjoying my husband's company, joyful masses (in English!) - I feel these times being absorbed into my being, tucked away for any hard times that lay in the journey ahead.

Preparing to leave for a month has involved a lot of work - orchestrating all the different aspects of my life to run on autopilot. Some things are simply delegated; others require a lot of advance work. Whatever the case may be, I've had to realize that not everything will get done - and that's ok! As an admitted over-achiever, this hasn't always been easy. However, I have great hope in knowing I am going exactly where God wants me to be next month. The "urgent" is so easy to have supercede the "important" in our life's priorities. As my time is now limited, I find myself forced to let go of things I want, in order to be where God wants me to be.

Let Go, and Let God. A dear college friend once gave me a small worry stone with that inscription. In these last 10 days of preparations for going to Kenya, I am increasingly aware that what I'm bringing is myself. Packing lists have to be checked, affairs placed in order, details finalized - but at the end of the day, all I can really do is show up, and make myself available to be used as God's instrument. No amount of crayons or paper or soccer balls could replace someone being present, letting the children be children - helping them create art, learn to play games, or share a simple meal in a safe environment.

I have to let go of my time, and let God take care of the rest.