Jambo from Kitale!

Jambo Rafikis! (Hello friends!) Greetings from the beautiful country of Kenya! There is so much to say and so little time to say it in. We are all doing well and so happy to be here with the Daughters.

We just completed week 1 of our camp! We’ve had many successes and some interesting challenges along the way, but overall I feel that it was a huge success. We said farewell to our first group this afternoon.

There are many thoughts I’m wrestling with at the moment – mostly about the best ways to affect systemic change for the harsh poverty surrounding us. Just having these children for a week, and then sending them on their way, is no small task. My heart has been broken by their struggles and been healed again by their smiles more times than I could count this week, and I know next week will bring the same. As time helps me unfold my thoughts, I will share them as I can.

For now, know that we are all well, and we appreciate your prayers as we plan for our next group of children!

Go Without Knowing

One of my favorite songs, sung by Sandi Patty, always reminds and challenges me to give everything I have. It's one of my aspirations for this journey. As I'm heading to the airport, I share with you the lyrics on my mind.

"If my life could be
All my life should be
I would learn to trust God
At every turn
I would hear His words
And my heart would surrender then
Truly depend on Him

I'd go without knowing
Do without doubting
Face without fearing
Any road in front of me
I'd give without glory
Love without limits
Go without knowing
Wherever He may lead

If my eyes could be opened wide
I'd be blind to me
So I could see what He sees
Beyond asking why
I would take up my cross and still
Gladly lay down my will.

I'd go without knowing
Do without doubting
Face without fearing
Any road in front of me
I'd give without glory
Love without limits
Go without knowing

Wherever He may lead."

Even Kenya...

Please pray for all of the VLMs traveling today! God-willing, I will share news with you from Kitale in the near future!

Packing

During Orientation, one of the other coordinators, Gina, gave a beautiful reflection on thinking about what we are (emotionally) packing for our journey. I've thought a lot this past month about packing - everything from malaria pills to school supplies to shoes. Today, as I'm putting the final touches on my suitcases, I feel like I am bringing an overabundance of "things." First aid kits, clothing, electronics - it's all there. Granted, I know that I will leave many things behind, but it still feels like an inordinate amount of stuff.

The most important bag I'm packing doesn't take any room though.

First, I feel that I am packing a complete and total reliance on God. There is nothing like preparing to lead a mission trip to a third world country to make you realize your own limitations. However, I know that "with God, all things are possible." (Mt. 19:26) Plans will change, things will happen - but no matter what, if we retain our reliance on God, His Will will unfold.

Second, I'm packing my vulnerability. My brokenness. I know that this experience will change me, will change the way I think about things, and cause me to grow tremendously as a person. If I knew what that would look like, I would have already tried to change and grow in these ways. It's uncharted territory. I am eager to allow these things about myself to be transformed through this experience.

I was incredibly humbled in a conversation the other day, by realizing just how little I know about the history and current situation of the people we are going to serve. Reading a few books and articles could never tell you the story of a people. However, the most important thing I'm bringing is really what ties this all together and makes this journey Vincentian. I'm bringing myself, my presence. I may not have a doctoral thesis on how to solve their issues of hunger or poverty, I may not have millions of dollars to create foundations, I may not even have a very good working knowledge of their language or their culture - but that's not why I'm going. I'm going there to love. The Vincentian charism is about recognizing the beauty, the dignity of every human person. I hope, through my presence, to tell every person I meet in Kitale that they are valued and they are loved. If there is one thing that still stays with me from my time in Ethiopia, it is that they have far more to teach me than I could ever teach them. And knowing this, I bring myself - and I hope to let them teach me how to serve them.

I depart tomorrow, still full of unknowns, but especially with great excitement. I'm packing my nervousness, but I know that's one thing that won't be coming home with me. I'm eager to see what those returning suitcases will hold.

Letting Go

Sometimes I feel that time has sped up this month. It seems like yesterday that I left for Chicago to be a part of Orientation. Nervous and excited, we spent time developing our community as well as planning our camp. At the end of Oriention, we sent off the Ethiopia VLMs, who are currently finishing their service in Bahir Dar. Somehow, amidst busy work schedules, family visits, and summer activities, 4 weeks vanished. 10 days from now, I'll be on my flight from San Francisco to Amsterdam. There I will find the three volunteers I am taking to Kitale (Amy, Emily, and Caitlin), along with the rest of the VLMs headed to Kenya. We will depart Amsterdam for Nairobi, where the Daughters of Charity will meet us and take us to our individual sites. The group going to Chepanyl will head West with us, while the Kioo group will head East. All three of these sites are part of the Daughters of Charity ministry in Kenya, but we will be the pioneering VLMs to set up their first children's summer camps.

Sometimes, though, I feel as though time has stopped. As a college student, summers were always a time of transition and travel for me, and spending the summer of 2008 in Ethiopia did not seem unusual or difficult. I'm quickly discovering that life after college, particularly married life, is just a little bit different. As the reality of putting every part of my life on hold for the month of August has set in, I've found myself absorbing special moments like a sponge - soaking up every last drop.  Wonderful conversations with friends, rare moments just sitting and enjoying my husband's company, joyful masses (in English!) - I feel these times being absorbed into my being, tucked away for any hard times that lay in the journey ahead.

Preparing to leave for a month has involved a lot of work - orchestrating all the different aspects of my life to run on autopilot. Some things are simply delegated; others require a lot of advance work. Whatever the case may be, I've had to realize that not everything will get done - and that's ok! As an admitted over-achiever, this hasn't always been easy. However, I have great hope in knowing I am going exactly where God wants me to be next month. The "urgent" is so easy to have supercede the "important" in our life's priorities. As my time is now limited, I find myself forced to let go of things I want, in order to be where God wants me to be.

Let Go, and Let God. A dear college friend once gave me a small worry stone with that inscription. In these last 10 days of preparations for going to Kenya, I am increasingly aware that what I'm bringing is myself. Packing lists have to be checked, affairs placed in order, details finalized - but at the end of the day, all I can really do is show up, and make myself available to be used as God's instrument. No amount of crayons or paper or soccer balls could replace someone being present, letting the children be children - helping them create art, learn to play games, or share a simple meal in a safe environment.

I have to let go of my time, and let God take care of the rest.